Guide to Mumbai

Bombay’s fantastic. It’s short on tourist attractions but rich in things to see. It’s a working city, massively busy and everyone is there to achieve something, to find their relative fortune. By and large, the residents are eternal optimists, friendly, conversational and humorous. Romantic, passionate and flamboyant. I believe it was Gregory David Roberts that described Indians as the Italians of Asia. I think its a wonderful comparison. A real compliment to the Italians.

Most of all, don’t be afraid to do things (but don’t be a fool). Mumbai is a massive cultural mix. Only about 11% of it’s residents are ‘locals’. Let yourself blend into the flow of the place and you’ll be no more of an outsider than anyone else.

So:

There’s about Rs80 to the pound. There are 100 paise to the Rupee. You’ll rarely see any paise. There is a peculiar colloquialism for large numbers: 1 cror = 10 million and 1 lakh = 100,000 – although this is only useful when reading local newspapers or buying kilometers of fabric.

The international code for India is +91 and Mumbai is 022. Mobiles usually start with 098 or 093. The networks seem to have a healthy disregard for the 0 in front but sometimes you need it. If you’re having trouble, try the 0 and then, if you still have no luck, try the full international code. Everywhere and everybody has about 6 different phone numbers. Try them all. If your mobile is unlocked, you can pick up a pre-pay SIM for very little and local calls will be cheap – international calls are cheaper too. There may be some requirement to show ID these days though. Go to one of the big brands big stores (Vodafone is good) to make sure it goes smoothly. Take your passport, a couple of passport photos and a letter from the hotel to say you’re staying there

If you’re the proud owner of a pasteurised, sanitised, homogenised digestive tract you’d better only drink bottled water, boiled water or other bottled drinks. Not tap water. Street side food is always a lottery but if it’s veg and deep fried your ticket is less likely to come up. Avoid veg sandwiches like the plague. They’re guaranteed to bring you down with a dose like no other.

You should watch your wallet and be careful of con artists but you are unlikely to suffer any violent crime. The police can be very harsh and nobody wants to spend any time in an Indian Prison, so being below prisonable age, kids are the worst. They are conscripted into gangs and can work a cracking ‘turn’. And don’t think sophisticated items such as passports, credit-cards and the like aren’t what they’re after. There’s an extensive underworld.

Finally, the city is as cosmopolitan as any but avoid looking too touristy around the tourist areas if you can – you’ll get more touts, more attention and more pic-pockets – everywhere else people won’t give a damn.